Snip Snip
by Anonimoose
Summary: This is a joint work with Bella DeMuerte. And the first chapter has absolutely nothing to do with the second chapter. So the first chapter is the story of how Jack lost his nose. And the second is the song, 'The Witch Doctor', sung by Jack, Elizabeth, Wil
1. Snip Snip

1A/N: This is Bella DeMuerte and Renthead. We wrote this together and hope that ya like it.

-

"Are ye sure that you want to do this again? I did win last time ya know?"

"Yes, but you cheated. And I'll kill you for what you've done." Will attacked Jack and the two quickly engaged in a very heated battle. Will stabbed at Jack and he countered.

The were running through the town. Jack running in front of Will and knocking over carts trying to slow down his pursuer.

"Jack we can't truly fight if you keep running. Stay and fight like a man or I may have to start accusing you of being a eunuch yourself. Maybe that's why you always say it of me. A bit of jealousy."

Jack stopped running and turned to face Will. "Then where shall we fight young William? Maybe in your shop?" Jack sneered. He had been joking before, but once Will had slashed his hat and coat the lad was in for an ass whoopin'.

"I'll kill you now Sparrow." Will took off the coat that was weighing him down and Jack did the same with his hat and coat. "Get rid of your pistols."

"Ye can' order me around, whelp." Regardless Jack laid aside his pistol. Will moved close enough to Jack that he could strike him when the battle began. He took his fighting stance and readied himself for Jack's attack.

Will waited for a very long time as Jack stood motionless with his sword down. Finally he lost his patience. He slashed at Jack's shirt, but he was blocked. Again and again this happened. Until Will saw the old wounds that still marred Jack's skin. He stabbed his sword into one of the two bullet wounds on Jack's chest and watched as Jack's face contorted in pain. Still both men continued to fight. Jack with much less zeal than he'd had moments before.

Will then slashed Jack's left arm. Further mangling the skin that an odd burn had mutilated a long time ago. Will only had one more objective that would allow him to win this fight. Just as he was about to chop off Jack's right hand Jack surrendered.

"I give mate. I give. I guess you really are better than ol' Jack, eh?"

"Yes I am." Will hissed and relaxing his grip on his sword. Jack too relaxed and walked up to pat Will on the shoulder. Before that could happen Will had turned to sheath his sword and managed to swipe off Jack's nose as he made an elaborate show out of the simple act.

Jack's eyes nearly bugged out of his head and picked up his nose from the sands. One hand holding the new hole in his face and the other gripping his nose for dear life.

Jack ran to the witch doctor's to get it sewed back on, and quick.

Looking at himself in a puddle be noticed that his nose was now a very pretty blue color. The doctor had told him that it would have bad circulation and may discolor, but he didn't say that he would become 'Blue Nose' the pirate. Then again, at least he had a nose.

That night Jack decided to pay a visit to his dear old nose-chopping friend, William Turner. He walked right into the forge and sat down in a chair in the middle of the room.

"I'm sorry that I got so worked up Jack. It's just that Elizabeth is all I have left and if you did something that even related to hurting her I would run you through. Hey is your nose blue?"

"Yeah it is. And tis all yer fault Will. Ye had to show off puttin' away yer sword. Ye went and chopped me nose off! Bloody Whelp!" Jack coughed and breathed through his mouth a bit.

"Do you want to come to Elizabeth's house tonight as a dinner guest? Would that help you feel better?"

"Will there be rum?"

"Yes."

"Then we have an accord." Will and Jack shook hands and Jack left the forge in search of a bar that would serve him rum with no questions.

When Jack arrived at the Swann's home he was greeted by Commodore Norrington. They shook hands and just after they did Norrington confessed that he had a bit of a cold and promptly sneezed.

Fear seized Jack in a vice grip. His hand flew up to protect his nose as he practically ran past the Commodore. He ran straight into Elizabeth who was carrying a whole tray full of different pepper spices. He clamped both of his hands over his nose and ran away quickly.

"Whoa. Where are you going Jack? We were just starting dinner."

Jack sat down and went to reach for a pear from the fruit bowl in front of him. He looked at it carefully before bitting into it.

"Oh Jack I see you found the fruit that Commodore Norrington brought over tonight." Jack put the piece that was in his mouth back in the correct place on the fruit and hid that side face down.

"Do ye 'ave somewhere where I could um wash up?"

Elizabeth dropped the tray of spices that she had in her hands when she realized who had asked this. "Are you sure Jack?"

"Aye, luv. I don' wanna end up sneezin'.Migh' lose me pretty lil nose once again." Jack glared at Will. Will only gulped and looked down. "Actually I think I'll jus' be on me way. G'night."

Jack walked back to his Pearl and went into his cabin. He'd been through worse. And he might be able to use this to his advantage.

-

So we just wrote this up because we had never really seen a fic like this. Hope you enjoyed. Thanks for reading!


	2. Witch Doctor Song

1A/N: We don't own any of these things (characters or song) because if we did we sure as hell wouldn't be here now.

-

Sitting in the carriage on the way back from the witch doctor's Elizabeth was getting ready to sew Jack's nose back on. Norrington, Barbossa, and Will were on the roof.

Elizabeth: Jack I have something to say.

Jack: tries to speak, but fails

Elizabeth: I spoke to the witch doctor and well...

I told the witch doctor I was in love with you

Will, Barbossa, Norrington: Buh buh buh buh

Elizabeth: I told the witch doctor you didn't love me too

Will, Barbossa, Norrington: Buh buh buh buh

Elizabeth: And then the witch doctor, he told me what to do

He said that...

Elizabeth starts to pin Jacks nose back on

Jack: (painfully) Ooo eee, ooo ah ah ting tang

Walla walla, bing bang

Ooo eee, ooo ah ah ting tang

Walla walla, bing bang...

(now with more pain)

Ooo eee, ooo AH AH ting TANG

Walla walla, bing bang

Ooo eee, OOO ah ah Ting tang

Walla walla, Bing bang

Elizabeth stops to thread the needle again

Elizabeth: I told the witch doctor you didn't love me true

Will, Barbossa, Norrington: Buh buh buh buh

Elizabeth: I told the witch doctor you didn't love me nice

Will, Barbossa, Norrington: Buh buh buh buh

Elizabeth: And then the witch doctor he gave me this advice

He said to...

Elizabeth starts to work on Jack's nose again

Jack: (quickly) Ooo eee, ooo ah ah ting tang

Walla walla, bing bang

Ooo eee, ooo ah ah ting tang

Walla walla, bing bang

(much faster)

Ooo eee, ooo ah ah ting tang

Walla walla, bing bang

Ooo eee, ooo ah ah ting tang

Walla walla, bing bang

Elizabeth stops again

Elizabeth: Now you been keeping love from me

Just like you were a miser

And I'll admit I wasn't very smart

So I went out and found myself a guy whose so much wiser

And he taught me the way to win your heart

My friend the witch doctor he taught me what to say

Will, Barbossa, Norrington: Buh buh buh buh

Elizabeth: My friend the witch doctor he taught me what to do

Will, Barbossa, Norrington: Buh buh buh buh

Elizabeth: I know that you'll be mine when I say this to you

Oh baby...

Everybody but Jack (who is trying to sew his nose on himself in the midst of a mental collapse):

Ooo eee, ooo ah ah ting tang

Walla walla, bing bang

Ooo eee, ooo ah ah ting tang

Walla walla, bing bang

Ooo eee, ooo ah ah ting tang

Walla walla, bing bang

Ooo eee, ooo ah ah ting tang

Jack: Walla walla,... bing... bang

Jack passes out while everyone else celebrates their announcement of a world tour.

-

Okay this really has absolutely no relevance to the first part we just had to do this. This is very important. And thanks for reading!


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